Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
