They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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