The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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