She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Randomize
