I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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