A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
