Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
