Just cropdusted the office
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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