they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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