so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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