matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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