I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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