my mouth tastes like poor choices
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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