the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
