after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
