In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
