Kiss
Puke
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
