So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize