Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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