Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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