We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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