Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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