Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
