so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Then you guys just all showered together...?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
