U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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