forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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