I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
