I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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