im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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