wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
