i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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