she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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