We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
