you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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