I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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