And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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