gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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