how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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