I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
