I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
