We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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