my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
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