Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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