I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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