Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize