Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
