You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
