my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just forgot I was standing up.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
