I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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