New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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