I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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