and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I love you. Go after that dick
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
