Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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