so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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