I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
