happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize