Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
