Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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