This is not my ceiling
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
