I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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