So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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