I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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