....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
