Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
