me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
