I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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