Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
