I'm jealous of your bromance
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
